Rack off Hairy Legs

Not on your life!

All those girls who celebrate their leg hair - raise your hands. Yep - that's just me in the corner waving madly all by myself.

I finally have hair on my legs, ankles and feet. I have spent my life cursing that hair, spending hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars over my hairy lifetime removing it as fast as it grew. Now I'm celebrating it!  Its a symbol of health.

Goodbye to Radiotherapy

I'm sitting here getting excited that I have 3 more radio sessions before the end - yay! 25 of 28 sessions done.

So far, parts of me are very sore, it's like I'm breastfeeding all over again, but the location they've been zapping is all red. It has even gone through to my back as well - right through to the other side. Sleeping is interesting (so thankful to John agreeing to buy the portable air conditioner) and bra wearing is not possible! It's not like I have to worry about them sagging if I don't wear one - right! Since they are removing them. But I haven't lost my voice and still have good mobility of my arm.

I have started to know their routine during treatment. I watch for the red light under the doorway, knowing that there will be a clunking sound - I imagine like an accelerator, I fill my lungs and hold my breath until the zapping stops. Now I have just taken it upon myself to do that after reading that they tried this in clinical trials to protect patients lungs/heart. The radiologists say it doesn't apply to me because it was on the right side, not where my heart is, but I'm doing it anyway just in case.

I was telling a friend today how unreal it still feels and that it could be all a hoax. I had no symptoms or signs so it could just be a big joke - except for the MRI of course. With radiotherapy there is no visible sign that it's doing anything just yet - it's just an insurance policy. A very good one considering it takes my recurrence risk from 30 to 10% so I'm told by the radiation oncologist anyway.

I'm just an actor in a bad movie.

Today I got my paperwork for hospital so I filled that out and getting scared. I've joined reclaim your curves website for everything about reconstruction, but people post photos - eew. I can't look at them and I don't think I'll look at my own either until they are all healed.

I was having trouble dealing with the fact of the money I was spending on surgery being equivalent to our cancelled Disney trip. So a positive today was that we received the bill from the plastic surgeon and we can put it on credit card - giving us Qantas frequent flyer points - now that deals with my guilt well and truly.

I'm still dealing with the after effects of the chemo drugs. I still have swollen feet, but try and fit into my shoes everyday as a test to see if it has gone down.

The positives are that I've dropped another kilo over the week so the fluid is dropping but sooooo slowly. My eyes have stopped watering completely! Yay!

I have an appointment with a natural medicine GP next week to see what I can do to get this body healthy again in time for surgery. I have several appointments with my doctors and scans of my arms for connecting veins to join the buttock veins to the chest veins.  Sounds like a bad Frankenstein movie doesnt it.

2016 is going to ridiculously amazing

Happy New Year
A new year has arrived and a time to look forward - it's going to be an amazing year. The last 6 months have been a blur and a time of me pretending to be someone else.



The New Year was celebrated asleep on the couch!!!! I couldn't muster the energy to slap a picnic together and drag my big body to Footscray park to wait until the fire works. Walking up the stairs to the hospital leaves me breathless and heart pounding.

Since my hospital stay, I've had my echo cardio gram and all is fine. I had a halter monitor on for 24 hours where they picked up an ectopic heartbeat - can be normal as long as it doesn't get out of control. I'm guessing it's the strain the drug has put on my heart and organs. As the fluid dropped from my body the breathlessness seems to have sorted itself as well. I've dropped 3 kilos in 2 weeks without changing my diet much. :)

I've been taking the kids to radio, which is a little daunting with so many visibly sick people around for them to see. One Italian lady made things a little difficult as I try and normalize the situation - kind of like I'm having a beauty treatment in my waffle robe. She spotted me with Andres and called out to the heavens "Jesus have you got nothing better to do?!" And to "be strong". There I was trying to quieten her "Thank you and all the best to you". She was just being sympathetic to my cause and not realizing the impact she's having on the kids. Looking forward to the 28th January when it is another stage complete.

Meanwhile, Jana and John's birthday has been and gone - celebrating these 2 kids....


Some more of the birthday girl





We went to Luna Park so the kids could have some fun, which was all good until Alex and I were talking about my toenails. I damaged one at radio and it looks like I might lose it.'Mum I want the old version of you - before cancer!" He said as we were discussing how my toe nail looks like it might be falling off and may be infected. Docetaxol's nickname is the red devil! I didn't realise so many side effects would kick in after the last dose. And just then, a toddler stepped on my other big toe!! It stuck up and bled everywhere! I pushed it down and wrapped it up and headed off to the GP. So now soaking them each day to try and save them. I also bought some cheap shoes from Kmart so I can put my fat feet into other than thongs - I never thought I'd ever wear thongs again since leaving Qld. If I didn't have the fat feet I wouldn't have been wearing thongs and I wouldn't be nursing my toenails.

Today at radio, my redness and blistering is starting to look nasty. They loaded me up with some stronger cream, silicon patches and pads to stuff in my bra to prevent rubbing. Joy oh joy. The nurse said it will get worse before it gets better. Working from home to manage it a bit better.....and wearing big, loose fitting clothes :)


So this isn't my breakfast! I read somewhere that the healing properties of oats helps with radiotherapy - everything is worth a try.

I miss my hair

Oh look - my hair! Tessie and I waiting for my MRI appointment in the waiting room - everyone thought we were out drinking in Fitzroy by the comments on Facebook.

I find myself pining for my hair - especially on these hot days. Always wearing a head covering is too hot, even the light cotton ones. I miss my eyebrows and eyelashes, I really thought I would keep them, but they fell out completely with the second last dose.

1year ago!

Santa didn't bring me any hair like I asked. It seems 1 step forward 2 steps back with it. My friar tuck hair style has gotten thicker, but the top which grew back first, seems to have been killed off with the 2nd drug.

But my eyes aren't weeping so much as before, there's some progress in the right direction.

My sister and nephew headed home back to Brisbane - it's always a little sad to see my family go back home after spending time together. Mum and Dad still here until Wednesday.

With my fat feet getting me down, the radiation side effects looming and surgery booked for 4 March, I know I have a way to go. I heard these lyrics and thought they were appropriate for the next 6 months for me.....

Fight Song

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves Into motion
Just like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
(Starting right now) I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me


Read more: Rachel Platten - Fight Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you hugged and held your loved ones that little bit tighter and a little bit longer - I know I did :)

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends. This Christmas was more special for me this year with the great Christmas present of no tumours. But I also really wanted a 'real' Christmas tree for the first time. So I bought one against John's better judgement. The smell in our house is divine!!!

It was a lovely Christmas with 19 of my nearest and dearest relatives at our house. john spent 3 days straight preparing the entertainment area and cleaning the house. Everyone brought a plate and we used throw away plates. I set out a timetable on the day that we worked to and I didn't need to manage. Mum and my sister Leanne helped while Zi put the meat on to cook sitting on a stool.

I managed to whip up a cake for the season too.


It was a great day, and we are still eating sweets from the day, so I won't be getting those fluid kilos off too quickly. I told the radiotherapy nurses today I might be a little rounder. They have measured my treatment based on my circumference and need to adjust the measurements of the machine if I lose or gain weight. They thought that was funny after I gave them my Donald Trump'(new name for my wig) for safe keeping.

They gave me a Christmas present on Christmas Eve which was lovely - a little Christmas candle. They are very caring and considerate nurses and radiologists. I felt like I should be giving them something as they are saving my life!!!

Due to my fat feet, shortness of breath and no energy, I didn't get to Carols by Candle light or visiting some lights this year. Oh well, I don't think the kids were devastated about it.

My edema has not settled down despite what I'm trying. I might have to seriously think about some fat shoes to wear to fit my fat feet. This Friday marks 6 weeks since chemo - and still the side effects linger!!! :(

Radiotherapy week 1

So I just hit my first milestone of 1 week of radio and 5 to go. It was a little nerve wracking but made easy with my friend, Heidi accompanying me offering plenty of distraction and support. It does make a huge difference when someone is there with you, as independent as I like to think I am. My appointment yesterday, I dragged john and the kids with me. The radiation team are brilliant and took the kids through to show them where I go and explain what happens before whisking them out as they de robed me on the table. I was holding back tears as the reality of my kids seeing it sunk in. Kids always make everything that much more emotional as your connection to them and the importance of you as a mother is in their little lives.

Anyway, after radio the nurse meets with you to check on you. I casually mentioned labored breathing, the swelling of feet and legs and rapid weight gain - which put me in hospital!!!! I feel well so it seemed like a lot of fuss. The kids were dropped off to Heidi's after school with nothing but their uniforms, and ended up sleeping there as John didn't finish until midnight with me when the doctors finally had a plan.

It was precautionary as Docetaxol can damage your heart. So they were looking for clots possibly causing my leg swelling. The good news is that they found nothing sinister, I'm yet to do a 'echo' of my heart on the 29th which specifically checks the heart valves. It was funny though, in emergency chilling out and minding my own business and they called a code alert on me. I thought they had the wrong cubicle but it was because my blood pressure got down to 85. They asked if I was dizzy - no nothing. So they started tipping my Bed up and doctors kept coming and a saline drip started. Tamika, the nurse did apologies for doing it afterwards, but it's procedure.

i was taken to a ward about 2am, when my blood pressure got to 100, after arriving at ER about 6pm.

The wards are lovely at Olivia Newton John as well. A nurse is stationed in your room with 3 other beds. I had 3 blokes with me. They were characters. I overheard 1 of them telling his wife "a girl came in my room last night"!! He was a bit of a joker and had everyone in stitches. 1 of them I knew had advanced stages of cancer throughout his liver and kidneys from a melanoma that was removed 8 months before. He was hopeful and we discussed some of the more miraculous stories with the latest immunotherapy treatments. i felt like a fraud taking up a hospital bed when I felt perfectly fine just lying around amongst these guys.

But again, giving me another opportunity to remain grateful and lucky.

So at home, with my Fat feet back on diuretics, because they said so and occasional tight chest.

Another opportunity to feel so lucky to have wonderful supporting friends with text messages cheering me on, swelling reduction product ideas, free babysitting of both my children, and me and a Home cooked meal Of yummy cacciatore to come home to from hospital from Leanne and pizza from Heidi.

Now a week of Christmas preparation, Luckily I did most of my shopping online already. Have a great Christmas preparation week. Xx

FF

So I'm coming up to 3 weeks from last chemo, and I'm glad that there arent any more sessions to go. The side effects have obviously built up over the 4 applications of Docetaxel.

I have Fat Feet, my new FF!

Jana calls them baby feet (like little baby chubby feet) - she's right on the money with that description. I have edema over most of my body, my knees are unrecognisable and I will soon be wearing John's tracksuit pants to work with thongs. My upper body doesnt seem as badly effected - so far. I cant fit into my skinny jeans and tire out very quickly. Now there is a dichotomy - they say that exercise helps move the fluid through your body, I mean a good sweaty workout!!! I cant even get my ankle to bend with the amount of fluid in it, also my heart starts hurting and I cant breathe, how am I supposed to do a sweaty high impact workout Michelle Bridges style??? I feel like the actor in Big Mumma's House at the moment.



All of the Oncologists must practice that "that's not a side-effect" shake of the head and changing the subject with patients when they go to University, as they all deny that edema is a side effect of this drug, even though its all over the internet. All they care about is treating the cancer rather than the side effects, unless the side effect impacts the drug treating the cancer. Anywayz.....I should be more grateful shouldnt I!!!

My finger and toe nails have survived, although very sore at the moment. They look bruised and have some ridges, otherwise not too bad.

Anyone interested in what the drug does, I have included a short paragraph below. They have attached the cancer with 3 different drugs, attacking it differently. This was the final drug:

GENERIC NAME: docetaxel

BRAND NAME: Taxotere, Docefrez

DRUG CLASS AND MECHANISM: Docetaxel is a drug that is used primarily for treating breast cancer. Docetaxel works by attacking cancer cells. Every cell in the body contains a supporting structure (almost like a skeleton) called the microtubular network. If this "skeleton" is changed or damaged, the cell can't grow or reproduce. Docetaxel makes the "skeleton" in cancer cells unnaturally stiff, so that these cells can no longer grow.

I always said I'd never have tattoos or plastic surgery in my life, but now have some little tattoos!

I went to the Olivia Newton John Cancer Wellness Centre for my planning appointment for radiotherapy. What a beautiful place by the way. It doesnt feel like a hospital at all, except for the occasional dr gown you see. Its all timber floorboards and inspirational artwork on the walls. Waiting rooms are like hotel lobbys. I had another CT scan and they tattooed the position of my radiotherapy points. They are only little dots so the machine knows where to follow throughout the daily treatment. They also made a mould for my back and shoulders for exact positioning every time on the bed. It all seems very high tech. I start this on the 14 December for 6 weeks over the Christmas break as well. Then, surgery is most likely going to be in March - 1st or 2nd week, waiting for confirmation from the Plastic surgeon and my breast surgeon.

The kids are excited for me to be normal again. Jana wrote me a letter saying she is looking forward to us being a normal family again - with my hair growing back and me not being sick every 3 weeks. Hopefully there will be very little side effects of the radiotherapy.

I'm now on a duretic to reduce the fluid in my system. I will be having a blood test to make sure its not effecting my kidneys too much in a week. In the meantime, I will try and stay home as much as possible so I dont have to roll around the place, until they start to work. Fingers crossed. :)