Surgery Preparation

Today was my final appointment before surgery with my breast surgeon - 2 weeks today to go. She wrote down all of the side effects/risks that I may have. I will have to wrap my arm in cotton wool for the rest of my days to prevent lymphodema. She did tell me that the best scenario would be no cancer in the tissue but that doesn't happen very often. It might be 10% residue left in the tissue they remove and 90% clear for example. The good news is no more mammograms. As there will be no more mammary tissue it won't be necessary. It will just be by feel as only the skin will remain, and if there is recurrence in the saved skin they will feel it. But having said that Michael Chao, the radio oncologist said they are doing ct scans to monitor the tissue.

After that I went and felt some more boobs at the Reclaim your Curves at Think Pink. It's a reconstruction group and I met someone who is also a patient of my plastic surgeon, Damien Grinsell. She showed me his handy work too.

I managed to squeeze in some work today as well. The guys are very flexible with me at the moment.

I decorated a cake for Jana and was thinking about my upcoming surgery a little too much - nipples...

Peaceful Places and Rejuvenation

Well what a busy week I've had. Now that the kids are back to school and loving their new teachers, I have been joining some 'cancer clubs'. Taking a bit of time out to get ready for surgery.

I headed off to the podiatrist to see what she could do with my half off, half on toenails as well as if she knew what I could do about my edema in my feet and legs. She cut off 1 of my big toenails, the other one will live semi attached for a little while longer. Sleeping is often aided by a little white pill which I could become addicted to. It is an amazing feeling as I drift off to sleep on soft fluffy clouds where I don't feel the legs any more....hmmm struggling to sleep with just panadol so trying to space out the soft fluffy cloud sleep every couple of days.

I've been having oncology massages and attending meditation and yoga at Olivia Newton John wellness centre. I also snuck down to the Peninsula Hot Springs during the week. Thank you to Heidi, Evan and John for rearranging your schedules and providing your beach house the night before to accommodate my day of relaxation, I am forever grateful. Dinner seaside at the Two Buoys was a treat.

(Picture)


It was a great experience with a dozen women from the area with various stages of breast cancer. It was humbling to hear their situation, while their situation was never told to me in a direct conversation but rather in humorous snippets and random jokes where I pieced together where they were at. They were the veterans amongst us who have battled long and hard and some on their second round. Except for a local woman who wrote a book about her 'journey' for which she is now cured and living her life. she was a guest speaker. It seemed wrong for her to be telling us her story, how sad she felt and her problems along the way, when I felt that many of the women there were more worthy, more inspirational and more humble in theirs. I still bought her book out of curiosity for which I was sorry I did after I skim read it. But perhaps her story has a place with well women who know someone. We are all going through this differently and some ride it through better than others I guess and she was so moved by her success she wanted to write about it.

We did some art therapy, looking at prosthesis or 'chicken fillets' (which I gratefully don't need) - there were chicken fillets flying around the room for people to feel, coming out of bras for comparisons - gosh a whole different world! Then had a lovely lunch before soaking in the hot springs amongst the trees and the birds (it wasn't that serene because the ladies were a bunch of talkers). I could have snuck off but felt privileged to be in their company. The spring at the very top had an amazing 360 degree view of the surrounding countryside - definitely a place to come back for and include a massage.

Here's some of my Art Therapy, I'm no Picasso but it was fun making it.....my crayon piece is called The Outlook. I modeled it off a beautiful place called Teddy's Lookout, near Erskine Falls in Victoria, a place that I think about with my meditation cd. It's a picture of me there after all of this is finished.

The other piece is a quadrant of the seasons. I stuffed up the seasons but you get the drift - we made it with paper play dough - now that was fun and very tactile. Again favorite places or things I love about the seasons in Victoria. To my crafty friends - don't look too closely.

And we snuck off to Point Lonsdale where we celebrated the end of radiotherapy - here are some of my favorite photos that remind me about some important things ......

Visit to Olivia Newton John Wellness

So here I am back at Olivia Newton John Wellness Centre lots of new faces in the revolving door of the waiting lounge, a new puzzle being built. I've had my appointment with Michael Chao, the radio oncologist. What a lovely man. He talks to me about my whole treatment, are confirming what Damien, the plastics surgeon and the breast surgeon, Christina Foley are doing. Specifically about the cancer and what they are hoping for. 

Micheal told me today that the 3 of them and probably an oncologist from chemo have been meeting and discussing every step along the way (I love that he sums up the whole process). 

The best case scenario is that after my mastectomy, the pathologists find nothing to test in the tissue. Which means a total cure from their point of view. He also asked me to participate in a study which will confirm this new order of things. It will mean that they need to document the breast tissue before during and after the mastectomy and reconstruction. They will take photos and perform CT scans each time to watch the tissue. I welcome doing my bit if it helps others in this process.

He explained that doctors are suspicious by nature so need data to be convinced and I will provide that. It also means that they watch me a little bit closer afterwards for some time to come which is a good thing. There's probably a lot commercially at stake as well. Tissue expanders have a place in the old regime, where they will no longer with this regime. It could wipe out a whole product in the long run, but I guess there will still be old fashioned doctors who don't like to change. The new regime means much lower impact physically and psychologically for the patient. 

Michael seemed very excited about it all in anticipation. I told him I'm not mentally ready yet and he said 'well we are ready so that's a good thing'.

Here is where I sit writing this instalment......aaahhhh.

Yesterday, I had my final meeting before my big operation with my plastic surgeon (PS) Damien has pulled back a little on the plan. He has decided to not do the nipple recon in hospital, but I will have another operation on day 3. They are concerned with necrosis of the skin after it has been radiotherapied and given my boobs are going to be the poster girls, they are being extra cautious. Ha, ha!  So the skin from my buttock is going to be sewed in like an extra flap, it will sit there until they decide my original skin will survive, then day 3 they will remove it if they don't need it....it will be very white if they decided to keep it as it won't match my new radiotherapy tan......Oooohhh - too much information for some...sorry.

So Damien man handled me squeezing my butt and squeezing my boobs, trying to get an indication of size. He has pulled back on size too from a small C to a good sized B. Well that's what I asked for in the first place anyway. Nipple reconstruction will be done later down the track - if I still want it I guess. 

So after meeting with Damien, I headed down to Think Pink and met with the Pink Sisters. They are a group of under 50s with breast cancer. The guest speaker was a girl who was 2 years out of the process. She came to show us her boobs. Well I have to say that once you've let every man and his dog feel and squeeze your boobs throughout treatment, they don't mean that much to you any more. And after with no sensation in them, for the wearer, they are totally de-sexualised. 

Anyway, so I spent the morning squeezing and prodding this poor girls breasts who I'd known for 5 minutes making lame jokes to hide our awkwardness. They were fantastic. And the big deal is - so I saw what an autologous tissue flap looked and felt like oppose to implant breasts. And she decided not to have nipple reconstruction, only areola tattooed on. So I may decide not to have nipple recon either - Damien said well it's 'the cherry on the top' for plastic surgeons and having pride in their work. Excuse the pun ha, ha. So I do it for me or for him......

I'm about to be called in for my oncology massage.....hmmmmmmm - looking forward to it.

4. Visit to National Institute of Integrative Medicine (NIIM)

So here was my idea. Given that I have 4 weeks to get my body into shape for surgery, I thought I'd go along to see a GP at the natural medicine hospital in Hawthorn. I thought that they could do something about my swelling, since nobody else could - maybe stick an acupuncture needle in it to pop my skin and release the pressure - that would be cool. 

But no, try celery root. Okay, and vitamin c with zinc intravenously. Interesting. So the high dose Vitamin c is supposed to help the cells and the body repair itself and reduce the free radicals that the chemo and radiotherapy launch into the body for their full scale attack on the bad cells. So the free radicals are stimulated by a particular type of cell to eat up the dead cancer cell debris. I feel a lot better knowing that we are doing things in reverse and given that radiotherapy can give you cancer, By removing all that cell tissue afterwards gives me some peace of mind about the recurrence risk. 

I just have to get my head around sitting in a room of healing chairs for 40 minutes with yet another cannula in my arm. It's too much like chemotherapy, but with a healing purpose.....Bbbrrrrrrr. Need more information before I decide to go ahead, in the meantime I'll take vitamin c tablets.

3. The Last Day of Radio

Going to radiotherapy for the last day was an emotional day. I looked back to the 1st day when I had wondered how the hell I was going to get through 28 days, every day to the hospital, de robed and zapped under a machine. I know my anxiety levels rose each day driving into the car park. 

But there were lots of good times in between it all to distract me with Christmas and a new year bringing family and friends. It wasn't so bad after all. The staff were amazing and welcoming, everyone knew my name, due to having to check in at reception with your Medicare card and the photo they have on their system. Because of the photo, my doctor grabbed me and called me by name from the corridor as I was walking away from the treatment room (I hadn't seen him since first meeting him months before), the radiologists would call at me in the dressing rooms, knowing I was in the building and getting ready for them. Not to mention the vip parking rate of $1, and it's a great view over the Dandenongs as reception is so high up. Plus I'm having some free oncology massages. My daily trips to the health spa. Andres drew a dinosaur and its up on the wall in the collections in the waiting lounge, Jana helped with the 1000 piece puzzles and would chat to the other ladies doing the puzzles. 

On leaving, they presented me with a handmade origami dove, each has a saying and mine says 'onward and upwards'. I nearly cried as I waved goodbye to the people that have contributed to saving my life.

I have more people to pray for now that I met some patients in the revolving door of that oncology radiation lounge.

 I came home to a beautiful bunch of flowers from my hubby, John congratulating me on the end of that stage and off to Point Lonsdale to relax and celebrate.

2. Coffee Breaks

Often when I was lying there on the table, arms high above my head, under a $4million machine, I'd wait for the red light to come on and the machine would make a noise and then move through its' sequence of positions. 

Occasionally, you'd lie there waiting, waiting, waiting and nothing! These are the times, I thought they'd gone on their break, "they're in the tearoom having their coffees and a chat". Then it would finally start the sequence and halfway through the radiologists would come and check my position accordiing to my tattoos and the machine and congratulate themselves about their coordinates 'beautiful' 'perfect' 'looks good' - no they werent talking about me ha, ha. That's when I'd ask them how their coffee break was......"we wish" they'd say laughing and off they'd go back to the control room. At least they hadn't forgotten me, something about rebooting the computer - good on you.

I'd give it to them - hey they must see some sad things in their working day. Or is radiotherapy at least a hopeful stage. Maybe it's not done to those who have hopeless situations.

1. Fraud not a Fighter

I have had a few thoughts on my mind lately, but have to figure out how to put it into this blog without boring you silly.

1. I'm a fraud - not a fighter

2. Radiologists have a coffee break while I'm on the table

3. day 28/28 of Radiotherapy

4. A visit to NIMN

1. Firstly, I have been thinking about the whole premise of fighting cancer and how I wrote in the lyrics of the fight song in a previous blog, because it resonated with me at the time I heard it.. But.now think that it's a bit lame, I'd remove the post but it all links together.

I think that every body goes through cancer differently, depending on the diagnosis. I think in comparison to others, I haven't had to 'fight' anything. You just kind of stand there and face each treatment and then the side effects like a storm coming. I haven't had vomiting or nausea like some people. Just some pain for a short period and who hasn't had some pain in their life with having babies etc. otherwise I've continued on with my life with a short spell of inconvenience.

I've seen people really 'fight' cancer when it keeps coming back and they keep getting back up again round after round or have to live with a terminal diagnosis. I've had a positive prognosis, knowing I just have to go through it to the other side. I remind myself that I'm lucky to have listened, done something about checking and then getting it early. I just try and help myself by keeping healthy and meditating and yoga, but if my prognosis was bad, I would probably curl up in a heap and have a bad attitude, even temporarily. 

Today I saw a woman with a tattoo 'survivor' on her chest. I thought to myself I wouldn't call myself a survivor as it implies that I am a victim. I don't know what she's been through but I guess everyone can check back in with me after March - maybe I'll change my mind. I don't normally worry about labels/terms - who cares right? But perhaps the word is overused and applied to some people who haven't been through as much as some. But I guess how much is too much for each individual - probably only as much as they can bear. Or it's all about being strong, some women have tattoos about being strong, their defiance in the face of adversity, their trophy if you like - I think that's more about other people that you remain strong for them.

So I don't know what I would call myself, probably just Kym and I had cancer once. I wouldn't wear this experience on my sleeve like a badge of honour or part of a club. I'm trying too much to be 'normal'. I've avoided the cancer 'clubs' thus far, but now I am pulling all the resources I can for surgery and being kind to my body, why not. So am off to Think Pink for February and have enrolled in as many therapies that I can fit into my week amongst all of the doctors appointments. It has to be my best chance to avoid recurrence so we all (including my surgeons) better do a bloody good job of it. This has to be the end of cancer and the end of surgery and treatment for the est of my life, for my right breast anyway.