Sunday 16th October

Today is day 3 since surgery.

Surgery was 8 hours in duration until 5pm when I came out of theatre. I think Damien came and spoke to me, I remember him standing in front of me but nothing of what he said.

The first night was the usual hell. Hot and sweaty, nauseous but no pain. I felt caustraphobic in my bed surrounded by pillows with my arm supported at a right angle. Different from last time, when it was strapped to my side. My legs strapped to the bed and wrapped up in TED stockings and a dressing that was being pumped, I had a catheter, a drip, oxygen tube over my face and 3 drains coming out of my side. High anxiety worrying about everything. Could not get comfortable. I had that claustrophobic feeling where I just wanted to rip everything out and go home. Thank God that is over with.

Today I had a shower, had tubes removed and got dressed out of my hospital gown. I feel so much better and able to deal with the pain levels in a better state of mind. Just have to take it slowly.

I've worked out what drugs send me mental, what I can tolerate, what makes me sick.

Face Timed with the kids which was nice to see them. They'll probably come up on Tuesday night.

The PS is happy with his work so far, it's always hard to look at it until it starts to take shape. It's all battered and bruised and quite unrecognizable as belonging to my body for now. It feels like it's up to my neck as well - I hope that drops down in good Time.